When your divorce is high-conflict
A high-conflict divorce is one where your spouse turns ordinary decisions into fights, controls information or money, or won't cooperate. What you can control is how you respond. In Texas, that usually means knowing your county's standing order, asking the court for temporary orders when needed, keeping a calm and factual record, and keeping the children out of the middle. If you are in danger, safety comes first.
If you're living this
Every message turns into an argument. Agreements fall apart the next day. You may feel like you're always reacting. That wears people down, and it's easy to start doubting yourself.
Scott puts it simply: "You're not alone in the divorce process." There are tools in Texas law built for exactly this kind of case. They tend to help most when you use them early and calmly.
If you're afraid for your safety
If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 911. If your spouse has threatened or hurt you, a protective order may be available. Read about protective orders. Texas law also lets a divorce be granted without the usual 60-day wait in certain family-violence situations (Tex. Fam. Code §6.702).
The rules that may already apply
In Dallas, Collin and Denton counties, a standing order applies automatically once a divorce is filed. It's a set of rules from the court that binds both spouses. These orders generally bar harassing or threatening communication, hiding or destroying property, and taking or hiding the children. Dallas County's order also bars coarse or offensive messages meant to annoy or alarm, whether in person, by phone, by text or on social media (Dallas County standing order). Denton County's order bars disparaging the other parent, including on social media a child may see (Denton County standing order).
Tarrant County has no automatic standing order. There, a spouse who wants these kinds of rules in place generally has to ask the court for them.
A standing order applies to you as well. Following it closely, even when your spouse doesn't, matters.
Temporary orders: rules for while the case is open
A divorce can take months. While it's pending, a Texas court can make temporary orders (Tex. Fam. Code §6.502). Depending on the case, these can include:
- Who lives in the home while the case is open.
- Requiring a sworn inventory of property and debts, and the production of documents.
- Limits on spending beyond reasonable living expenses.
- Support payments for a spouse, and payment of reasonable attorney's fees.
- A temporary schedule and rules for the children.
Temporary orders don't decide the final outcome. They can bring structure to a situation that has none.
Keeping a record a judge can follow
In a high-conflict case, it can come down to what each side can show. A calm, dated, factual record of what happened is far more useful than a pile of screenshots or a long account written in anger. Read how to keep a record that helps.
Be careful with what you write too. Texts, emails, social media posts and even conversations with AI chat tools can end up as evidence. The free AI and your divorce report explains why.
When your spouse controls everything
Some spouses control the money, the passwords, the house or the information about the family's finances. That can leave you feeling stuck before the case even starts. There are steps you can take. Read what you can do when your spouse controls the money and information.
Keeping the children out of the middle
Children do better when they aren't carrying adult conflict. Don't discuss the case with them, don't ask them to pass messages, and don't speak badly about the other parent in front of them. Dallas's standing order says much the same thing. Courts deciding conservatorship (what Texas calls custody) look closely at how each parent behaves. More at child custody.
Can a high-conflict case still settle?
Often, yes. Many high-conflict cases still end in agreement, sometimes through mediation with each side in a separate room. Some don't, and go to trial. Preparation helps either way.
Scott is Board Certified, Family Law — Texas Board of Legal Specialization. "If you need me, it means you're going through one of the toughest times you'll experience in life." His first consultation is free and confidential.
Questions people ask
My spouse keeps breaking the standing order. What can I do?
Write down what happened, when, and how you know. Keep copies of any messages. Then talk to a lawyer. A court can enforce its orders, and the Denton County order, for example, warns that breaking it can lead to a fine and jail time.
Should I respond to every message my spouse sends?
No. Answer what's necessary, briefly and politely, especially about the children. You don't need to argue or defend yourself in writing. Anything you send may be read by a judge later.
Does a high-conflict case always end in trial?
No. Many still settle through negotiation or mediation. Whether yours does depends on both spouses and the issues involved.
I'm in Tarrant County. Is there anything in place to stop my spouse?
Tarrant has no automatic standing order. You can ask the court for temporary orders, and in some situations a temporary restraining order. Talk to a lawyer about what fits your situation.
